If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
