People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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