My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
