he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
