your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
