So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
