He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
