I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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