i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
