It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
