when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
