I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
