I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
