I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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