So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
