She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
