quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
