Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
