Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
