and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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