Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
