Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
