after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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