Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Welp...herpes.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
