i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
