I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
