I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
