There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
