i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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