Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
