I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
