the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
