There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
