Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
