i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
