I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
