Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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