I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
