If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
