The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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