you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
