Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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