you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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