i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
