This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
