Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
