did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
