Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
