1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You pole danced in your parka.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
