Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
