Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
