Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
