Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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